i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
