This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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