Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
whose parrot is this?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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