Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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