I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
this will be a night to untag.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
