11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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