I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Threesome in a minivan. New low
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
