Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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