I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
