Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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