There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
