No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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