how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We left the knife in your bed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
