she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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