Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You work out of a Hotel?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
