When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
