Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
