its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
