If that was your dad, he is hot
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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