Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
