im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
