Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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