I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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