11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
