my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When are your genitals available?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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