i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
