I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
id be glad to
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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