I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
