Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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