yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
