Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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