i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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