my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
