Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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