So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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