yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
