all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
