I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
