I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
