her vagine was all disorganized.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
