I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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