We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
