the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
