I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
