I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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