my soul wont recognize me after tonight
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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