It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
