ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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