brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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