Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
